When two people decide to end a marriage, it is often painful. In some cases, it becomes much harder because the people involved argue a lot, cannot agree, or do not trust each other. These are called high-conflict divorce cases. In North Carolina, this type of divorce can be very tough for everyone, especially children. A high-conflict divorce may involve lots of court dates, harsh words, and deep emotions. It might also include problems like hiding money, trying to turn children against the other parent, or refusing to follow court orders. These cases take longer, cost more money, and are emotionally draining.
What Makes a Divorce High-Conflict
Not all divorces are the same. Some people can agree and work things out. Others cannot. A high-conflict divorce often happens when one or both people are angry, controlling, or have a hard time letting go. Sometimes, one person may have serious emotional or mental health challenges that make things worse. In these cases, there is usually a pattern of fighting that does not stop. These fights may be about children, money, property, or simply out of anger. One or both may feel hurt, betrayed, or scared. The emotions are so strong that talking calmly or making fair decisions becomes almost impossible.
How Divorce Works in North Carolina
In North Carolina, you can get a divorce after you and your spouse live apart for one year. One person must have lived in the state for at least six months before asking for divorce. The process includes different parts like dividing property, deciding who takes care of the children, and sometimes paying support. When the divorce becomes high-conflict, all of these steps get more difficult. The court may have to make more decisions because the couple cannot agree. Judges may need to step in more often to keep things fair and safe, especially for the children.
Child Custody in High-Conflict Divorce
One of the biggest concerns in a high-conflict divorce is the children. Parents may fight over who the children live with or how much time they get to spend with each parent. North Carolina law focuses on what is best for the child. The court wants to make sure the child is safe and loved by both parents if possible. In high-conflict cases, this might mean setting strict schedules, using neutral places for drop-off and pick-up, or even having a third person help with communication. Sometimes, the court may appoint someone to speak for the child’s interests. In very serious cases, a parent might lose custody or be allowed only supervised visits.
Michael Phillips
Attorney
Marcel McCrea
Attorney
Natalie Andruczyk
Attorney
Money and Property Problems
Another common area of fighting is about money and property. In North Carolina, the law tries to divide property fairly. That means it might not be exactly equal, but it should be just. In high-conflict divorces, one side might try to hide money, give it away, or waste it to hurt the other person. This can make the process longer and harder. The court will look at what both people own and owe, and decide what is fair. The court may also decide if one person has to pay support to the other, either for the children or for the other person to live on.
Protecting Yourself in a High-Conflict Divorce
If you are going through a high-conflict divorce, your safety and peace of mind matter. Try not to fight back with angry words. Instead, focus on facts, keep records of everything, and stay calm. Do not make big decisions without thinking them through. If your spouse tries to upset you, do not fall for it. Let your lawyer handle most of the communication. If you feel unsafe, there are steps the court can take to protect you, like keeping your address private or ordering someone to stay away. Taking care of your mental health is just as important as taking care of your legal rights.
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Working with the Court
North Carolina courts want people to settle problems without too much fighting. Sometimes, the court will ask both sides to go to mediation. This is a meeting where a neutral person helps you try to agree. In high-conflict cases, mediation may not always work, but it is still part of the process. The court can also order evaluations or ask other professionals to give advice about what is best for the children. Judges do not like when people use the court just to hurt each other. They look at who is being reasonable and who is not.
What to Expect from the Legal Process
A high-conflict divorce takes time. It may take months or even years to settle everything. There will be court papers, hearings, and sometimes trials. You will need to provide information about your life, your money, and your children. The court will expect you to follow orders, even if you do not like them. If someone does not follow the rules, the judge can punish them. This may include fines, losing custody time, or even jail in extreme cases. While it may feel unfair at times, the court is there to help bring order and fairness to a painful situation.
The Role of Communication
In these cases, how you talk—or don’t talk—can make a big difference. Do not use your children to send messages. Do not say bad things about your spouse in front of the children. If you must talk, keep it short and polite. It may help to use text or email so there is a record. Do not yell or threaten. If communication is too hard, the court can suggest tools or services to help, such as parenting apps or third-party coordinators. Keeping things calm and respectful helps you, your children, and your case.
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Helping Your Children Cope
Divorce is hard on children. In high-conflict divorces, it is even harder. Children may feel torn between parents, confused, or scared. They might not understand what is happening. Try to keep their lives as normal as possible. Be honest but do not share too many details. Reassure them that they are loved and it is not their fault. Avoid putting them in the middle of fights. Teachers, school counselors, and therapists can help too. Children do best when they feel safe and supported by both parents, even if the parents cannot get along.
How the Court Protects Children
In North Carolina, the court takes children’s safety very seriously. If one parent is harming the children or putting them in danger, the court can act quickly. This may include stopping visits or requiring supervision. If the fighting between parents is harming the children’s mental health, the judge may change custody or add rules to reduce the stress. The court may also ask for a guardian ad litem, a trained person who speaks only for the child’s best interests. This helps the court see the full picture, even when the parents cannot agree.
Long-Term Effects of High-Conflict Divorce
High-conflict divorce can have long-lasting effects. People may carry the stress for years. Children may struggle in school or in their own relationships. That is why it is important to find ways to calm the situation over time. The more you focus on what you can control, the better you will feel. Healing takes time. With the right help, it is possible to move forward and build a new life. Even though it feels overwhelming now, the conflict does not have to last forever.
Getting Support
You do not have to go through this alone. There are counselors, support groups, and legal professionals who understand what you are going through. Getting the right kind of help can make a big difference. It can help you stay calm, make better choices, and protect your children from harm. Divorce is one of life’s hardest challenges, but support and good guidance can help you find peace again.
Take the Next Step
If you are facing a high-conflict divorce in North Carolina, you deserve someone who can help guide you through it. At Phillips & McCrea, PLLC, we help families find calm in the middle of chaos. We are here to listen, to help you understand your rights, and to stand with you every step of the way. Reach out today to talk with someone who will support you through the journey.
